What if this is as good as it gets?

January 10, 2010

>I was driving to the office today, mainly because I feel my greatest purpose when I am with groups or alone.  Alone was the most obvious choice.  I saw an email from my brother letting me know my nephew Jake (my ‘mini-me’) was available if I wanted to hang out.  I remember my father’s needs were so similar to mine.  In solitude or in crowds  rarely one-on-one.  I called Jake and took him out to lunch although my anxiety disorder was telling me to be alone.

I picked up Jake and drove down Central Expressway naming restaurants from the signs and let him pick the place.  He chose Outback Steakhouse.  I told him the only condition was that he speak “Australian” to all of the wait staff.  He agreed.  We had a blast and shared a chicken fried steak and a huge order of Aussie cheese fries.  My anxiety disorder is sometimes overprotective.  Having lunch with Jake was better than any other choice I could have made.

My father is my hero.  He was a great man and I aspire to be just like him.  His greatest talent was affecting people in whatever positive way he could. He gave encouraging advice, told jokes, poured his soul… whatever it took to make others better people.  A great need like that leaves one feeling empty yet fulfilled.  I say this not to emphasize the word ’empty’ but the word ‘fulfilled’.  An empty gas tank got you to the best place you ever were.

Sometimes I think this was his goal in life.  It is my goal in life.  However unfocused, it is my passion.  Affecting as many people positively as I can in my short time here on Earth.  Emptying myself is not a bad thing just as it was not with my father.  But the more journeys you take others’ souls, the more often your gas tank is bone dry.

I guess the reason I am writing this is… I know many of us have a common goal of making others’ lives better.  Don’t feel guilty for needing to refuel.  You emptied that gas tank affecting someone.  Smile and refuel, whatever it takes.

2 responses to What if this is as good as it gets?

  1. 

    Not only to your adventure with your nephew have a wonderful impact on him; you also received one of life's greatest gifts to be listened to; to share and to show and receive love. This is a win win no matter what!With Panic attacks and anxiety taking the uncomfortable step is so difficult but getting through and experiencing the episode is often so very rewarding and makes us stronger for our next adventure!Great life story thank you for sharing.