Liar Liar Pants On Fire

May 6, 2008

One of the reasons companies hire me is for my unrelenting commitment to never, ever accuse an innocent of a crime. In my opinion, there is nothing more lazy than doing that. If you have a doubt, keep the file open. A reasonable client would rather wait for you to get your facts straight than be wrong.

An amateur mistake is to confuse probability with fact. Probability is the basis for following a clue. Without it, we would have no starting point, sidewalk, road or vehicle. In true great detective work, one does not reach a conclusion until every ounce of his being says he can stake his life on that very thing. That it not being exceptional. It is being a decent human being.

I close over a thousand cases per year and have been doing this work since 1995. I have developed proprietary methods never used outside our IPCyber-walls. Some techniques my people utilize are so subtle, so delicate, that we extract just enough data without ever arousing suspicion. A suspect provides identifying data to me, never knowing what they had just done.

So when I close a case and nail every nail in the coffin of a counterfeiter, and they cry after being served with a lawsuit, exclaiming what I call the ‘Dylan defense’ (Ain’t Me Babe), I can only reply with a song Chuck Brodsky originally wrote about Richard Nixon. Here is the chorus:

Liar liar, pants on fire
See you squirm, see you perspire
Not a word you say is true
There’s never been one out of you

2 responses to Liar Liar Pants On Fire

  1. 

    Hi Rob,
    You sound like a very smart and respectable Private Investigator and admire you for that. It is very important and I stress IMPORTANT to be honest while investigating a case. I have seen to many people blamed because of lack of judgement on behalf of the Investigator and the Investigator just dam lazy and is rushing to close his or her case.